Rob Bell

It is interesting, isn’t it, when you meet someone who is in the public spotlight. More specifically, when you meet someone that you know so well because you have read through important parts of his life in books or because you saw him on screen all throughout High School. It's weird to meet someone that has in a sense become your representation or your thoughts of answers about religion. A few weeks ago I met Rob bell. It was strange. His face was much more vertically compact up close. It was strange to have such a familiar voice addressing me.

What do you say to somebody who you know so well, when all they know about is you is your name. I had so much to say, I wanted to word vomit all over the floor at Mars Hill. I fumbled and mumbled my way through a short conversation as if to seek answers or advice, or just something, but what can you expect when the person doesn’t know you? Before you meet someone, they are just a person you see. They are flesh; they are a face—of course you recognize that they have thoughts, emotions, friends and family, but, again, before you meet them, they are just a face. A mole to the left of her nose, one brown whisker out the side of her chin and long brown hair. Just an appearance. I wonder what Rob Bell thinks when he has people lining up to talk to him. Rob is simply a man, he is a father, a husband and a pastor of a church. Sure, he has wonderful ideas, he is a great speaker and he has been able to capture the hearts of so many dwindling Christians, but really, Rob Bell is just a man.

While walking around Kalamazoo College later that Sunday, I was thinking about the 2 minutes I got to spend talking to Rob. It was strange. I stared at the floor. I had so much to say about Rob and I would love to talk to him about everything for an extended period of time, but I just sat there and tried to blurt out what I was thinking about my faith. He had no context to understand what I wanted to say. I’m sure he has to deal with this all the time since he doubles himself as a pastor of a church and a Christian superstar, but I wonder what it is like for him. He wasn’t awkward, but I was—for sure. What is my point in this ranting? I don’t really know, but I just was so profoundly struck by the fact that Rob is just a man—a smart man, that is, but nevertheless, just a man.

I have spent much of my life seeking advice. How do I do this?...or is it okay if I do this?... or tell me what to do! I mean, come on, man! You can't even decide what to order at Noodles & co. I am scared to make decisions. Much of the time, I am scared to say yes. Why is it this way? Who knows. All I do know is that I finally feel like I am starting to see some light in my desire to become a true believer again. I went through a time of severe doubt in anything meaningful, a little depression, and a bit of self-loathing. I was upset that what I had as my faith was weighing me down. I even wrote in one of my (shitty) songs, "punching with my own religion." Why was I doing that? Religion should not be a crutch, but rather something special. After a few desperate conversations with my mom, a couple with my aunt on the phone, and one or two with my dad, I realized I had to back up and see some of my motivations and intentions behind my beliefs. There was so much that was wrong. I had to kill what was going on. That was, no doubt, the hardest time mentally that I have had to deal with in my life thus far and I am glad to begin to see the light again. 

Rob Bell spoke about Ecclesiastes--everything is just dust. Everything is meaningless. The book starts off by saying that--good start, but then there is wisdom and beauty. I am in the midst of discovering aesthetics, love, freedom, even just life. The fact that I get to be a cognitive being is freaking awesome. I am thankful. For everything. Period.

Anyways, I met Rob Bell a few weekends ago. He seems like a pretty cool guy.